The Lifestyle "Rosetta Stone"
Whether you are a total newbie to the concept of "The Lifestyle", or a multi-decade veteran, knowing the lingo of those who partake in any of the incredibly diverse aspects of the Lifestyle can help to demystify things a little and make it a little less intimidating. After all, it's really hard to be comfortable in ANY situation if everyone around you is speaking a foreign language that you don't understand, especially if the topic is an already sensitive one. Pun intended.
Below we have compiled a variety of the more common terms/phrases that you might find being used by the millions of folks involved in The Lifestyle. We have also included some popular initialisms and abbreviations you might find during your online exploration of this interestingly naughty topic. Get ready to learn about some things you may have never even heard of before.
AC/DC: Anyone who enjoys both the same sex and opposite sex sexual activity; Bi; Bisexual.
ADULT: Sexually oriented material; Pornographic
ALL CULTURES: Person or couple who enjoys any and all fetishes and sexual activities.
AMERICAN CULTURE: The man on top, basic missionary position.
ANAL SEX /GREEK CULTURE: Anal intercourse; “Butt stuff.”
ANALINGU: Oral contact or stimulation of the anus of one partner by kissing, licking, or sucking of the other; “Eating ass.”
ARTS: Euphemism for fetishes.
BANGOVER: When you've got a wicked hangover and your pussy hurts...usually a sign of a good night.
BAREBACK: Sex without a condom
B&D, B/D, or BDSM: Bondage and discipline; use of various methods to restrain someone while administering discipline, usually done by a "master" to his/her "slave.” Including sometimes sadomasochism/sadism when lumped in as BDSM.
BI/Bisexual: Has sexual relationships with males and females (see AC/DC).
BI-CURIOUS: A Male or Female who is interested in trying same-sex activities.
BIZARRE: Unusual sexual desires, as compared to your average person.
BONDAGE: A sexual fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner. The person doing the binding is considered "dominant" while the person being bound is considered "submissive."
BULL: Within the context of cuckolding, a bull is a sexually dominant male who becomes involved with people in cuckold relationships. A bull has sex with the women in these relationships while possibly humiliating or cuckolding their male partners. A bull may also be called a cuckold bull, a swinger bull, or an alpha male, although this term isn’t used exclusively to describe bulls. The term bull can also be used in a general way to refer to any male involved with a couple regardless of his specific role (bull, boyfriend or Dom). Just as a General is also still a soldier, but the reverse isn’t typically true, a Dom is also a bull.
CAN ENTERTAIN AND/OR TRAVEL : Person willing to invite others to their home for swinging and/or willing to travel to your home to swing.
CANING : A spanking fetish employing a light cane usually bamboo or other light wood.
CHEATING: Sexual activity with others without spouse's knowledge and/or consent. Also see “not cool.”
CLEAN : Hygienic; Free of sexually transmitted diseases.
CLOSED DOOR/CLOSED SWINGING: Sexual interaction among couples using separate rooms, usually in the same house. Provides a maximum of privacy.
CLOSET SWINGER: A person who hides the fact that he/she is a swinger.
COUPLE/CPL: In swinging, a man and a woman. May be married, living together, committed (on going relationship) or a single couple dating for swinging purposes.
CUCKOLD: While the originally meaning is the husband of a wife who cheats, it has come to mean (more often than not) a husband whose wife plays without him and comes home to tell him about it. It can also mean a husband who watches his wife play with others, or is forced to watch. This can also be reversed on the wife. There are a number of variations of the use of the word since it encompasses several things and a wide variety of sub-genres under the cuckold umbrella.
CULTURE: Euphemism for Fetish or Arts.
CUNNILINGUS: Stimulation of the vagina and clitoris by the mouth especially the tongue and lips, and sometimes the teeth. (Although it’s definitely best to ask first...ouch)
D&D Free: Drug and Disease free
DILDO: An artificial penis, usually made of rubber or plastic, for sexual stimulation of the vagina and sometimes the anus.
DIRECTOR: Term describes the principal person who runs or otherwise operates a swing club, generally the owner. A person who works for the director and is responsible for party or club operation whether or not for pay, is generally called a Manager.
DISCIPLINE: A sexual fetish in which one partner dominates the other, a willing participant. Often includes physical punishment of the submissive partner, ranges from physical restraint to mild spankings to painful beatings.
DISCREET OR DISCRETION: Asking those who write or call to exercise caution so that children or others who may open mail or answer phone will not be offended and/or made aware of the swinging activity.
DOCILE : Willing to receive bondage and/or discipline.
DOMESTIC TRAINING: Submissive obedience to household chores of an intimate and humiliating nature.
DOMINANT: A sexual partner in control of a willing submissive partner.
DP: Double penetration
DRAMA: Generally used to describe people who shouldn’t be swingers. They typically display aggression or jealousy while in the presence of others in the lifestyle.
ELLIS: A generally accepted code name used to identify members of the swinging lifestyle. Ellis stands for L.S. (Lifestyle). The question "Are you a friend of Ellis?" can be used to help identify a member of the lifestyle without compromising confidentiality.
ENGLISH CULTURE: Sexual stimulation from spanking or caning.
EXHIBITIONIST: Behavior in which an individual experiences sexual arousal or pleasure from displaying his/her body. Enjoys being watched.
FAMILY FIRST: Usually in an ad on a lifestyle site to indicate that the users have kids and may have issues making time for fun. Will probably take a little longer to get to know these couples.
FELLATIO/FRENCH CULTURE: Sexual stimulation of the penis by the mouth, especially by the tongue and lips and sometimes teeth.
FETISH: Sexual arousal and pleasure through use of non-sexual objects, actions or non-genital anatomy.
FLAGELLATION: Sexual stimulation derived from pain, usually whipping or spanking.
FLUID BONDING: Unprotected sex including fluid exchange.
FULL SWAP: Means the couple has penetrative sex with other couples.
FUN AND GAMES: Euphemism for sexual activity.
GAY: A homosexual person, male or female. A gay female may also be called a Lesbian.
GANGBANG: Three or more males on a single female.
GENEROUS: Refers to money for sex.
GROUP ROOM: Room set aside for group sex, generally furnished with wall-to-wall mattresses or pads. Term is prevalent in western US.
GROUP SEX : Swinging; Sexual activity between three or more people.
HALL PASS: A term to indicate that one or the other member of a couple has permission to have sex outside of the presence of the other person.
HARD CORE/HARD SWINING: A swing party or swing engagement where sexual interaction is assumed and expected.
HEDONIST:Someone who lives for pleasure.
HETEROSEXUAL: Sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex.
HOMOSEXUAL : Sexual attraction to members of the same sex (gay).HORNY: Sexually tense; In need of sexual pleasure.
HOTWIFE: A Hot Wife is a married woman whose marriage is open on her end only, so that she can date other men and/or have sex with them, with both the permission and encouragement of her husband, in order to fulfill his fantasy of sharing her with other men, to the benefit of their marriage.
HUNG: Refers to a man with a large penis.
HWP: Height-Weight Proportionate; Someone who is at their ideal body weight.
INDOOR/INDOOR SPORTS: Swinging activities in general.
INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP: Seeks a swinging relationship that includes emotional and recreational values.
IRL: In Real Life; Used in ads or online chat.
ISO: In Search Of; Used in ads; MWC ISO Single Female.
LEATHER: A fetish; Sexual stimulation through the wearing or touching of leather or leather garments.
LESBIAN: A woman sexually and emotionally attracted to other women.
LIFESTYLE: Another way of saying “swinger.”
LS: Short for “lifestyle.”
LTR: Long Term Relationship.
MARITAL AIDS: Dildos, vibrators, and other devices used for sexual pleasure of self and others.
MASOCHISM: Sexual gratification through receiving pain and humiliation from others.
MASTER/SLAVE: Participants in a bondage and discipline sexual relationship.
MATROOM: room set aside for group sex. Principally an eastern US term (see group room).
MEET FOR PLEASURE: Will meet for swinging sex; no pretense for social or emotional interaction not directly related to sexual activity.
MENAGE A' TROIS : Three people, two of one sex, one of the opposite sex in a swinging interaction.
MORESOMES: More than three people in a swinging interaction. (see Group Sex).
MUTUAL MASTURBATION: Masturbating in the presence of someone else.
NASCA: The North American Swing Club Association. An association of swing clubs and magazines to promote swinging as the viable and beneficial lifestyle it has become.
NEWCOMERS: New people in swinging; First-timers.
NONSMOKER: Does not smoke. If used in personal ad means only those who do not smoke are sought for swinging purposes.
NSA: no strings attached, that is purely for sexual activity
OFF-PREMISE: No swinging takes place at the club or party; you meet and make your own arrangements. Great for newcomers.
OPEN DOOR/ OPEN SWINGING: A couple swinging with another couple in the same room; Several or all participating couples together in the same room. A minimum of privacy.
ORGY: Sexual interaction among several men and women in the same room; Complete absence of inhibition in everyone taking part; group sex.
PARTY: Gathering of three or more people of both sexes for swinging.
PARTY CLOTHES: Clothing particularly adapted for swing party wear, Includes wear to the party and wear to change into during the party. The latter includes robes, lingerie, terry cloth wrap-arounds and other simple wear that is easily removed, shows the wearer to best advantage and often makes selected parts of the body easily available for erotic courting and play.
PARTY HOUSE (Western US): A non-membership swing club offering a regular schedule of on-premise swing parties.
PASSIVE: Quiet, submissive non-contributor, willing to receive corrective training. Docile and submissive in swinging.
P/P: Photo and phone number (used in personal ads).
PRO: Professional; i.e. prostitutes or paid escorts.
RECREATIONAL SWINGER: A person who practices swinging primary as a recreational diversion; not interested in forming any long term friendship or emotional attachment.
RESTRAINT: Mild bondage used in sexual fantasy enactments.
ROMAN/ROMAN CULTURE: Group sex, orgies, the party scene, etc.
RUBBER: Condom means of contraception; sexual stimulation through the look, feel and smell of rubber, usually associated with B&D.
SADISM: Sexual gratification through inflicting pain and humiliation on others.
SAFE: Used to describe a person who cannot conceive or impregnate; a man who has had a vasectomy; Naturally or surgically sterile.
SAME ROOM: Means a couple is willing to play within the same room as their spouse.
SEPARATE ROOM: Means that the couple is willing to play at the same time in different rooms.
S&M or S/M: Sadism and Masochism.
SINGLE : A swinger without a partner, does not refer to marital status.
SOCIAL: A party, dance or other gathering usually sponsored by a swing club or magazine, for swingers to meet and socialize. There is no swinging at a social, but privately arranged swinging may follow a social.
SOCIAL SWING CLUB: A swing club, generally private membership that offers social and swinging activities including a regular schedule of on-premise swing parties. They may also offer educational and travel activities. Usually there is a membership fee and either party fees, party donations or a regular maintenance fee or dues. Party attendance may be restricted to couples though the marital status of the couple is rarely important.
SODOMY: Non-coital, especially anal or oral, copulation with either an opposite sex or same sex partner.
SOFT SWINGERS: Couples who only have intercourse with their own partner. No swapping for intercourse.
SOFT SWINGING/SRS : The term used to describe same-room sex, watching/being watched, or any sexual encounter up to, but not including intercourse, with someone other than your spouse. The first experience for many couples some type of soft-swinging.
SPAGHETTISEXUAL: A female who is straight, that is...until she gets wet!
SPITROAST: Refers to a woman receiving a man from the front and back simultaneously
STAG: A Stag is a dominant man who encourages his female partner to have sex with others, either in his presence, or on her own. With Stag/vixen there is little similarity to the traditional concept of cuckolding, where the man is submissive and often subjected to taunting and humiliation from his dominant female partner while, or after, she has sex with another man.
STD: Sexually Transmitted Disease. A term developed in the late 1970's to replace VD as the latter carried social and moral implications in the minds of many. These social and moral implications interfered with the legitimate treatment of sexually transmitted diseases as a medical problem.
STR or STR8/STRAIGHT: Any person who is not interested in engaging in homosexual activity or A person who does not use drugs; also used by swingers to denote non-swinging people.
SUBMISSIVE: Passive, wishes to be dominated.
SWAPPING: Two couples exchanging partners for sexual activity.
SWEDISH CULTURE: Use of the hands especially in massage to sexually stimulate another.
SWINGING: An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners; single men and women are sometimes involved.
SWINGER INSURANCE: Sexual aid in order to get and maintain an erection, taken by males. Examples include: Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, etc.
SWINGING LIFESTYLE: Style of living with swinging a major component in recreation, choice of friends, business and social life, and intimate relationships.
SWINGING MARRIAGE: Marriage incorporating swinging and often, humanistic ideals.
TAN: Tested Antibody Negative for HIV virus(AIDS).
THREESOME: Three people, two of one sex and one of the other in a swinging encounter.
TICKET: A person, usually a woman, brought to a swing party solely to enable the male to gain entrance. The ticket generally has no intention to swing or is not free to swing.
TRIAD: Three people, two of one sex and one of the other in a continuing relationship of emotional and sexual involvement. Not the same as a threesome.
TWINK: Young, attractive male homosexual person.
UTOPIAN SWINGER: A person who practices swinging as a total lifestyle with humanistic ideals.
V-SAFE: Means the male has a vasectomy
VAS-SAFE: Another way of saying V-SAFE.
VIBRATOR: Electrically run vibrating device for stimulation of the vagina by insertion or holding to outer lips, clitoris, breasts and the male penis. Some vibrators are penile shaped and are run by batteries while more expensive ones are for surface use and are run by an AC motor from a typical wall outlet. Vibrators are used by both men and women for self-stimulation and to sexually please another.
VIXEN: A wife or girlfriend in a committed relationship who seeks a male for nsa sex with the permission/urging of and usually in front of her Stag husband or boyfriend, without any bi-sexual play or humiliation of her Stag. With Stag/vixen there is little similarity to the traditional concept of cuckolding, where the man is submissive and often subjected to taunting and humiliation from his dominant female partner while, or after, she has sex with another man.
VOLUPTUOUS: Fullness of beauty and form; usually used to refer to a woman with large well-formed breasts; may also refer to full but well formed hips.
VOYEUR: A person who enjoys watching others in sexual acts.
VOYEURISM: Sexual gratification by watching or peeping at others engaged in sexual activity.
VWE: Very well endowed individual
WAY-OUTS/WEIRDOS: Those people interested in activities usually considered by the majority to be bizarre, kinky, unusual, or unconventional.
W/E: Well endowed individual
Here is a non-exhaustive list of some of the more common initialisms/abbreviations used in lifestyle chat rooms, dating sites and other forms of digital communication.
BBC: Big Black Cock
BBC: Big White Cock
BiF: Bisexual Female
BiM: Bisexual Male
BiMF: Bisexual Married Female
BiMM: Bisexual Married Male
DBF: Divorced Black Female
DBM: Divorced Black Male
DDF: Drug and Disease Free
DD’s: Double D Chest Size
Dom: Dominant (male)
Domme: Dominant (female)
DP: Double Penetration
DAP: Double Anal Penetration
DVP: Double Vaginal Penetration
DWF: Divorced White Female
DWM: Divorced White Male
DTF: Down to fuck
F/T: Full Time
F4F: Women For Woman
F4M: Women For Man
F4MF: Women For Man Women
GSOH: Good Sense of Humour
GBF: Gay Black Female
GBM: Gay Black Male
GWF: Gay White Female
GWM: Gay White Male
HWP: Height/Weight Proportional
ISO: In Search Of
IRL: In Real Life
ILU: I Love You
LOL: Laugh(ing) Out Loud
LTR: Long Term Relationship
LFG: Looking for a group
LDS: Latter-day Saints
LDR: Long Distance Relationship
LGBT: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender
M4M: Man For Men
M4W: Man For Women
MBA: Married But Available
MBF: Married Black Female
MBM: Married Black Male
MF4MF: Man Women For Man Women
MF4F: Man Women For Women
MF4M: Man Women For Man
MJF: Married Jewish Female
MJM: Married Jewish Male
MM: Married Men
MWC: Married With Children
MWF: Married White Female
MWM: Married White Male
NSA: No Strings Attached
PF: Professional Female
PM: Professional Male
P/T: Part time
RPG: Role Playing Games
RL: Real Life
SAF: Single Asian Female
SAM: Single Asian Male
SALT: Single and Loving It
SBF: Single Black Female
SBM: Single Black Male
SCF: Single Christian Female
SCM: Single Christian Male
SHF: Single Hispanic Female
SHM: Single Hispanic Male
SINK: Single Income No Kids
SJF: Single Jewish Female
SJM: Single Jewish Male
SM: Sadism/Masochism (S&M)
SOH: Sense of Humor
SWF: Single White Female
SWM: Single White Male
SO: Significant Other
SWALK: Sealed With A Loving Kiss
VDP: Vaginal Double Penetration
W4M: Women For Men
W4W: Women For Women
WLTM: Would Like To Meet
XOXO: Hugs and Kisses
Yes, there are many more of these intriguing terms and initialisms floating around out there, especially when you dig deeper into any one of the many fetish niches, but this list should help you to be able to decipher what at first might appear as a "secret language". Enjoy!